Check out this vid I was sent on Youtube! Thanks Anthony, I’m honored!

I’m extremely picky with my stand-up comedians but Bernie Mac has always been one of my favorites. His humor and demeanor was one that I could deeply relate to–grumpy but with a golden heart. I don’t consider myself a grumpy person and I wouldn’t take the liberty to say I have a golden heart either, but we look to our entertainers to unearth the polarized versions of ourselves, the encrypted personality traits, and our insecurities and aspirations–and Bernie accomplished that.

Link

this version’s soooooooo much better than this version.

download via mad decent

No, I’m not saying that Jay-Z is an old man. He’s Young Hov. I said he sounds like an old man, for one reason or another, in this situation. I mean, he still sounds dope, he just sounds like a dope old man. I once sounded like an old man. It happened in the future, probably when I was old.

Via Yeezy.

I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED I HATE UNITED .

all day i’ve felt like tom hanks in the terminal except with no catherine zeta jones to keep me company. before i left for the airport, i made sure to have a hearty breakfast of eggs and pasta in the hopes that that would hold me over for the flight and i wouldn’t have to spend a ridiculous amount of money at airport food. however, my plan was drastically foiled when my 11am direct flight from NYC to SF was canceled and *lucky me!* the next available flight wasn’t until 6pm (and then with a stop at LAX, which we’ll get to later). so by 2pm i was starving and ended up giving in. but not just giving in in a regular way–no, giving in like a mark ass punk. what the fuck is a chinois chicken salad????

oh yeah, i forgot, chinese is much more elegant when it’s said in french. total sellout city, adriel. i don’t know what got into me. for the first time in my life i felt like i wanted wonton crud on my salad. sorry nico, i failed you.

money spent on crappy airport food at this point: $10

the salad did nothing for me.  NOTHING i say!  before hopping the flight i ended up getting some kind of santa fe chicken sandwich thing (i tried to look up “santa fe” in french and it’s santa fe).  the sandwich got soggy during the 4 minute walk from the food court to the terminal, which ended up making the sandwich taste santa feckingdisgusting.

money spent on crappy airport food at this point: $20

well, after a grueling 6-hour flight sitting in front of a crying baby and watching narnia (it was prince caspian and i was so lost because i never saw the first one and am still used to the OG british version).  when i arrived at LAX i found out that my flight to SFO was delayed for an hour and a half.  yippee!

it’s okay though, i went to ruby’s diner (not that ruby) and i think everything’s going to be okay.

oh yeah, i bought a breadbowl of clam chowder and it was the tastiest meal i’ve had all day (that doesn’t mean it was tasty though)

money spent on crappy airport food at this point: $30!!!  that’s the cost of a month of cable!

speaking of (sort of), lookie where the geniuses put the electrical outlets:

backed to a corner once again.  they’re about to board.  i might get home by 3am.

Fiend had ’sex with 400 cows’

The 53-year-old cleaner told police he did not fancy women and only cows and horses got him randy.

Getulino Ferreira Paraizo said he chose the more tranquil animals before engaging in sex acts with them.

Among the clues he left behind at every scene were empty packages of the same cookies.

Police found another packet on him when they arrested him.

Link

*Note: I really really really apologize for posting this up. For the most part I only put things on my blog that I want you to know, and I definitely am not yearning for my trusty readers to be aware of cases of serial beastiality. But ever since Geo from Blue Scholars posted his review of Zoo, a docudrama about a man who died due to complications of *cough* horse-loving (which immediately prompted Phatrick, my roommate, and I to rent it…what’s wrong with us) I’ve been coming across sooooooo many news articles about people getting busy with animals. I am hoping that putting this out into the blogosphere will break me of this curse. It’ll either do that, or backfire on me and attract a herd of animal-bonkers to my website and consequently place myself in a niche market that I honestly don’t want to be in.

Not to be a playa hater or anything.

Plus, once I came up with that witty blog title? Come on…golden.

which one?????  both have a very very special place in my heart.

Diddy for Burger King.

Kanye for Absolut.

dude, i looooooooove me some brooklyn but to be honest, y’all were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaack at the e.badu show last night!  3 songs into the show erykah had to stop and remind people that they’re supposed to make noise at concerts, and i’m suspicious that she ended up cutting her set off early.  all those people sitting in the front like statues, its a damned shame.  meanwhile, my posse of loud renegade folks were displaced to the far right on the grass and probably annoying the hell out of everyone else.  we were too far to get any pictures of ms. badu so we took pictures of ourselves instead.  how now brown cow.

ooooh yeah, beautiful nyc peoples!  today i went over to chinatown to sheng wang, a noodle spot that i’ve been craving the entire time i’ve been out there.  their specialty?  fish dumplings stuffed with minced pork.  what? yeah.  think of it as a chinese version of a turducken except more diverse, and bite-sized and FREAKING DELICIOUS. ok calm down adriel…very excited for someone who was vegetarian like a year ago.  the whole meal was $4, and i wrote a new verse for the mixtape.  what a bargain!

for this last week in nyc i’ve been staying with ebz in south harlem, and i’ve fallen in love with her fire escape where we take our bud breaks.  they’ve been on sour diesel out here, and i must admit it’s quite delicious and has been easing some of that cali homesickness.

morning flight tomorrow!  i land in the afternoon, catch up with the fam, and then get back on the writing/rehearsing/recording right away…can’t wait for the fall!  watch out now…