Today I started my master cleanse. For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, it's the diet that Beyonce did to lose 20 lbs for Dream Girls. I'm not trying to lose 20 lbs, or become a Dream Girl, but I figured it's about time to get rid of the gunk from all those Whoppers I scarfed down almost every single day throughout high school.

Day 1 isn't as bad as I was worried it would be. Guzzling a quart of saltwater at the beginning of every day is definitely not going to help make me a morning person, but the lemonade is actually quite delicious, though having that as my sole diet isn't as hearty as, say, a baby back rib diet.

The current plan is to stick with it for 7 days, leading me back into eating on the full moon. BUT if I'm doing well and don't look like E.T. at that point, I might go the extra mile for the 10-day recommended minimum. My only worry about that is that it'll lead me back to eating at our Stanford show, and I think it would be quite unbecoming of me to faint in the middle of a poem.

So why do it????? Here are some convincing stories:
Pooed out a 1974 Penny!!!
Passed a 20" tapeworm this morning