sometimes i get jealous of other peoples' blogs, especially when they're people who are supposed to be busier than me, but still somehow manage to post more often. in my head, i goes something like this:

how does kanye post like 5 times a day? oh. he must have an iphone. grrrrr.

and then i get jealous that he has an iphone too. and on that note, it's my suspicion that it's not actually kanye posting on the kanye blog, but rather a hired blogger (who shall henceforth be referred to as "blanye"). you tell me what you think. too many contrived graduation references, plus i would imagine that kanye would be posting WAY more pictures of himself. and if my theory is true, that, people would be a trip--hire someone to live your life and blog about it. but whatever. Lord Adriel would never do that. i mean, i would never do that.


i feel a bit scrambled right now. 14 hours before i fly away to DC. i often feel like this before my trips, i thought i'd be used to it by now. so much to do before i leave. must pack. must go to meeting tomorrow morning. must go to municipal office to turn in fix-it ticket. must find ride to airport. it's incredibly humbling to know that even when you leave your city, state, timezone, life resumes undented. every time i touch down in a new city it's discovering another nook of the universe that has gotten by quite all right without my presence. feelings of being un-missed at home, anxieties that my presence in whatever city i'm in will make a difference, or at the very least have made the trip worth it.

lately, that hasn't been an issue. i've been enjoying this season way more than our pre-summer season. it's not about the shows we did, people we met, or even our performances last season, because all of that has been fresh. but within the ill-lit circle, things have been much healthier, much more present. since september we've begun praying together before each show. no one in the crew is particularly religious, but the connection among the four of us has always been a spiritual one. for most of 2007, my focus was on the material--were we getting enough bookings, were there enough people in the audience, were there enough people checking us on myspace yesterday [yes, even that...fame (or lack thereof) is a hell of a drug]. i must admit, that whole subject is one that i'm just finally beginning to claw myself out of. it helps that everyone else is climbing out of it at the same time (well, we all fell in at the same time so i guess it only makes sense?). so yes, enjoying the season much more. our performances are coming from a different place and i think the audience is feeling it. it's a conversation again, and it feels great.

so yeah. kinda scrambled. it's ironic when the writer feels guilty for writing because he's conditioned himself to push writing to the distant reaches of "free time." i feel like i should be sending an email or something. what's up with this? still getting used to being a full time artist?

so yeah. kinda scrambled.

i've also been feeling a bit bummed about leaving my camera in illinois last week. the homies are mailing it back to me, but in the meantime i have nothing, NOTHING to take my fancy shmancy pix i love posting with my journal entries.

what a dumb thing to be bummed about. good night.