DISCLAIMER: the above photo has nothing to do with the following blog, but you'll get the point soon enough.


the crowd squeal is one of the most coveted crown jewels in the world of live performers. the crowd squeal--which has also been known as crowd response, crowd feedback, and to superman that crowd--is a crucial indicator that a performance is going well, and is thus sought after by all live performers (besides deaf mimes).

now, not to perpetuate, patronize, or pass patron to the stereotype that most asians are helllllllla quiet, but i have come to learn that when performing at shows with predominantly asian american audiences, the crowd squeal is especially challenging to muster up. call it a cultural thing, or a regional thing, or a groove thing, but asian audiences have the uncanny ability to remain completely silent, even if they're really feeling what's on stage. however, i've observed that there are certain performance techniques that guarantee a crowd squeal from any asian american audience, and i'd like to share them with you:

1. synchronized hip-hop dance routines with belly rolls and the sound of an explosion at the end
2. acoustic covers of alicia keys and/or brian mcknight songs
3. shout outs to specific asian ethnicities (besides people of the deaf mime nation)
4. fake afros (especially rainbow colored ones)
5. pelvic thrusts, in any context

unfortunately for me, as a spoken word artist, none of these are a part of my act (except #5 i've been told, but those are almost usually always 94% by accident). as a result, when i do "asian cultural showcases," every once in awhile i'll hit a completely deadpan audience. it's like throwing an eggroll down the hallway, i get nothing. now, this is not to discourage any of you college organizers from booking me for your next asia night, asia nite, night of asia, and hot import night. in fact, if worked the right way, a paper fan dance can be the perfect precursor to spoken word. but at the same time, it can be awfully uncomfortable doing a 45 minute set when only 5 members of the audience are reacting while everyone else is staring at me like i have a big purple booger on my forehead.

usually when i do these big asian showcases they're solo gigs, so the first couple of times i got those deadpan shows, i took it devastatingly personally, convinced that if ill-literacy ever broke up i'd have give up and resort to working at sanrio (a decent pun at this point would be: hello pity). but like i said earlier, an asian audience can completely feel you but utter not a squeal, yelp, or "happy happy happy," and i've had to internalize this in order to keep myself convinced that i in fact do not suck.

take for example, my show on thursday. first of all, northern illinois university, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! for real! after the show, y'all were soooooOooo fresh and made me feel soOoOoOOoo loved. the requests for pictures and autographs? thrilling! the complements and props? highly appreciated! later on in the night at the after party where you were all pink, jolly, and trying to feed me jungle juice? special! but before alllllllllllll that...me doing my thing on stage while in the audience you could probably hear a chia pet grow? awkward!

but like i said, NIU, i love you. but because i love you, i have to be honest. and trust me, you were not the first awkward asian audience, and you probably won't be the last. i've come to understand that it's not either of our faults when things happen as such. not everyone feels comfortable expressing things loudly, and it's not like i'm expecting my shows to be like monster truck rallies either. i know, some of you prefer to show love after the show, or on myspace later on, or by constantly reloading my blog all day until a new post shows up (i know who you are, and thanks for the web hits!). i totally respect all that, and i definitely hope my next show isn't full of people who read this and feel the need to make me feel better by shouting out contrived words of encouragement like "ohhhhhhhh snizzap!" or "hey tiger, you the balm!"

so here's the deal: i'll no longer tie myself to aspiring for the conventional audience squeal as my standard for a good show, if those of you who don't feel comfortable reacting aloud agree to use one of these nonverbal alternatives:

1. hold up a giant banner that says "ADREEL IS WAY REAL"
2. wave your hands at me in unison, and after the show refer to me as "chairman wow"
3. toss panties on the stage (except not during watts experiment, that might ruin the dramatic effect)

any of the above are acceptable tactics for you to maintain silence, while allowing me to maintain my self respect, and will allow us as a people to express solidarity while keeping in mind those of you who don't feel comfortable coming out of your shell (a racist would call you an orientrovert, but i'd never do such a thing).

anyway, i now hereby announce a 6-month period for all asian peoples of the planet to grow accustomed to one of these forms of audience reaction, allowing for the transition to take full effect right in time for asian heritage month, where there shall be asia nights galore! if come april everyone's still staring at me like i'm birthing baby pandas from my ears, i shall officially retire from the spoken word game--or my name isn't curtis jackson.