live via: flatbush, brooklyn

speaking of flat bushes, i need a fkucin haircut.

history of adriel's haircuts, pt. 1: when i was three, my mom was giving me a haircut, when suddenly she screamed "aiiiiiiii!" and rushed to the freezer to grab ice. "what?" i asked, unaware of the bloody river running down the side of my face from the quarter-inch cut she had made into the top of my left ear.

history of adriel's haircuts, pt. 2: as a kid, my mom would take me to barbershops located next to asian supermarkets, filled with old chinese women getting perms. she would order for me the style known as "little gentleman," which basically meant "trim his sideburns and give him a comb over." a seven year old should never look like he has a receding hairline.

history of adriel's haircuts, pt. 3: by the 6th grade, i decided to learn how to cut my own hair. because i was the only person i knew who would give me a bowlcut, and then slick it back with a tub of mega mega hold gel from walmart.



since then, no one has ever laid a hand on my head with scissors, clippers, or razors (though my mom will occasionally say "gray hair!" and pluck out what will actually be a nice, slick, black strand of healthy hair.) a few years ago i evaluated the ensemble of horrendous hairdos that i've had throughout my life, and since then i've remained pretty conservative, with my hairstyles being limited to "bald," "kind of bald," and "not really bald, but still bald." it's the easiest to maintain--no gel, moose, hairspray, scrunchies, or du-rags, just open air and the lovely scent of man-scalp...ahhhhhh....

last summer while watching fade to black, i noticed the scene where jay-z was getting lined up in between takes in the studio. and in my forever quest to be the chinese spoken word version of jay-z, i thought to myself, 'wow...jay-z probably gets his hair cut like, everyday. i'm going to get my hair cut everyday.' and the next day i went to rite-aid to buy myself a fresh pair of clippers, and have been keeping myself roc-a-trimmed ever since. #1 on the side, slowly going to #2 on the top. i like to call it: fade to yellow..

the predicament: when i came back from chicago in may, i discovered to my utter dismay that my #1 guard had broken in my luggage. as a result, i haven't been able to really give myself a fade for the past month, and lately my hair's been more evenly-lengthed all the way around, not unlike a dandelion. or a chia pet. to add to this tragedy, i didn't pack my clippers for this new york trip three weeks ago, and i've been slowly accumulating a mini-azn fro.

for those of you who don't know, azn fros (fros grown by asian americans) are much less desirable than asian fros (fros grown by asian asians, who are much better at fro-growing--it must be the humidity of, um, the pacific rim). and much less desirable than afros, which have been cool since at least pilgrim times.



i wouldn't be so concerned about my hair growing out if i wasn't so aware of the hideousness it seems to take (and that i seem to think looks good) once it's reached a certain length. don't get me wrong, i think guys--especially asian guys--can pull off long hair, just not me, adriel luis, personally.

i've long dreamed of having massive, flowing hair that could bounce to the wind, sway to the breeze, and h to the izzo (ok that's my last jay reference...i'm in brooklyn! whatchu want me to do, i'm sorry!)

i do pay attention to the asian pop stars and their fabulous do's, and i must admit, my jealousy runs rampant. observe the photo below.



notice how his bangs swoosh across his brow like a wave from the yang-tze river. take note of how his mane rests across his blinged-out wrist. imperial.

unfortunately for me, my hair doesn't grow out that gracefully. instead, this happens:



that's from 10th grade. and to think, if i had an asian heartthrob hairdo instead, combining forces with my 8-years-ahead-of-its-time allover phat farm shirt and my pinky ring, none of those high school girls would've been able to resist. none. of. them.

but alas. i return home to the bay on saturday. maybe i'll find myself a barber. all this is, of course, just putting off the inevitable...the haircut that all asian guys end up having, and the one that i will one day have to call my own.