warning: the following entry contains a substantial amount of chinese references. so unless you are of chinese descent or at least possess very chinese traits such as extremely long eyebrows that you grope while in deep thought, you might not be able to relate to everything. but then again, why should i cater my journal to your understanding, you ethnocentric prick?

ok, that was a bit harsh. me so solly.

i would like to apologize in advance for any random out-of-pocket awkward things that i might say in the next couple of paragraphs. i blame it on the excessive amount of MSG that must've been injected into tonight's dinner. it's like 11 on a saturday night and i am ready to FALL. OUT. completely contrary to my stubborn insistence on buying organic produce, i consumed so many preservatives and yellow number 5 today i won't be surprised if i wake up with C cups and a unibrow. even though i pretty much stay away from meat most of the time, there are several indulgences that i cannot resist, one of which being this:



that's right, baby. chinese style fried chicken...pop-eyes ain't got NUFFIN on it! these bad boys are a good 85-90% of what drives me to go to chinese birthday parties, wedding banquets, and luncheons. of course, those of you who have had chinese style fried chicken know that eating them is a commitment. yes, it is delicious, but the oil that it is drenched in will stay with you, coarse through your veins and coat the scent of your burps for the next few hours.

hit up the chinatown parade in sf today. i like these weekends with no gigs, it gives me an opportunity to experience the bay like a tourist, to do things i don't usually do in the bay....like walk. so this chinese new year is the year of the pig, which is my year. i always felt like i was kind of screwed over on my horoscope. if you take a look at all the animals that represent, the pig is probably the WORST one. i mean, there are dragons for christ's sake! as a kid, i would always correct them. "it's the year of the boar, not pig." yeah, when you have to use pumbaa as your "cool" alternative, there's not much hope for you. there's something a bit anticlimactic about going to a chinese new year parade and seeing the large crowd and hearing all the commotion and gongs and shit, and it all amounting to a bunch of kindergarteners dressed up like porky.

the parade itself was pretty fresh, but what was extremely annoying was that it seemed like a lot of people took the occasion as a free night to be allowed to caricature chinese people and culture in all ways possible. plenty of white folks in bamboo hats and pigtails, screaming "GONG HAY FAT CHOY" with their awkward round mouths. then there were the guys who were so ecstatic they were chest-bumping each other and giggling "CHING CHONG CHING CHONG CHING CHONG." sure, maybe they were drunk, or caught up in the moment, or "didn't know that it was offensive" like rosie o'donnell, but when i saw them i just really had to turn around and give them one of those "are you kidding me??" looks. not really much else you can do but leave them alone to deal with their own prejudices. the last time i tried to actually say something, it resulted in a big russian guy telling me he would "smash" me. i'm pretty sure no russian has said they will "smash" someone since the cold war.

which leads me to the point of the story where i begin shoveling MSG into my sysem. phatrick has reignited my love for fukien fried rice (imagine fried rice covered in gravy, scallops, fish, and shrimp...oh yeah, it's motherfukien good...) and the plus is that i know how to order it in chinese! i try to order chinese food in chinese as often as possible, because i've noticed that the food and service is so much better than when i order in english. however, my vocabulary isn't that big so i end up ordering hella basic stuff like water and soy sauce. ok well i guess that wasn't really a story. ok i'm sleepy. i'm bout to be passed out like a red envelope.